you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
