Already got asked if we're dating
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
