I just pynch a tree in the face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
