I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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