My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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