i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
