If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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