just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
