apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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