a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
