As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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