Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
