Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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