Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
