I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
