meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
