Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
