just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
