She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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