Ambien. No doubt about it.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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