I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
