so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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