I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
