I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
