Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets

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(850): View more from Florida

He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win

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(253): View more from Washington

she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.

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(830): View more from Texas

Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

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(805): View more from California

how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.

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