I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
