Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
