haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
