this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
