Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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