currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
