if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
