Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
