apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
