Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
