when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
