they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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