You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
