why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
