dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
