I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
