I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
