Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
