Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
