He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
