So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
