you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
