i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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