My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
