The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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