Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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