After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
